Yep...I'm blogging about camel toe.

So, the Lady Gaga ft. Beyonce "Telephone" music video is just begging for a feminist critique. I found one interesting take on Fashionista. Here, I'm not going to go into a critique of the video, but one aspect of the video led me to uncover what I find to be some incredibly contradictory and intriguing material concerning female genitalia and the mass hysteria the visual allusion of female genitals can create (think camel toe). During the first several minutes of the video, before the actual song begins, we see Lady Gaga escorted to a prison cell by two very tall, muscular women prison guards. They strip Gaga down and throw her in the cell. As they walk away, one says to the other "I told you she didn't have a dick." The second guard replies, "Too bad." This exchange seemed to be referencing some gossip concerning Gaga's genitalia. Though I (surprisingly) hadn't heard anything about this, I googled "Lady Gaga penis" and apparently rumors are running rampant about her either being sexed male or being a "hermaphrodite." On Mahalo.com we see the photo that supposedly spurred the rumors. Mahalo.com also states, "Lady Gaga reportedly told Q magazine, 'What I would like to do is make beautiful photography out of the most humorous rumor of my life, thus far, that I have a penis.' She further stated, 'I want to wear a dick strapped to my vagina. We all know that one of the biggest talking points of the year was that I have a dick, so why not give them what they want?'" While it would be of little import if Lady Gaga actually had a penis, or was intersexed, what I find fascinating is that coverage of Lady Gaga's tendency to have camel toe is just as prevalent as the coverage of the penis/intersexed rumors. So...she apparently is thought to have both a penis...and camel toe. My interest, of course, was piqued. So I googled "celebrity camel toe" and I was wholly unprepared for what I found: "Top 25 Most Shocking Celebrity Camel Toe Moments Ever." What is fascinating is that, while some of the celebrities photos do depict "textbook camel toe" (ha!), many merely show a small mound of flesh--the female genitalia beneath the clothing. This reminded me of something my friend Martinique brought up in our "Fashion: The Politics of Style" class a few weeks ago when another friend, Amy, was leading discussion. Amy showed the PETA campaign image of the high-cut women's underwear with the caption "Fur trim. Unattractive." Then, Martinique brought up the insightful point that designing women's underwear to be skimpy and high cut is contradictory to the natural growing patterns of most women's pubic hair. Yet, there is the demand that women's pubic hair fit within the prescribed "triangle." So, to extend that logic to the camel toe hysteria, it seems that contemporary women's clothing is fitted, often skin-tight, and made in a way that makes concealing the shape, outline, or folds of women's labia impossible. However, women are supposed to appear Barbie-like--smooth-surfaced. In many cases, the appearance of "camel toe" is downright revolting...abject, one might say. Much like the Brazilian bikini wax trend and multitude of shaving and hair removal products that assist women in creating the illusion that their pubic hair fits within a small triangle area (or doesn't exist at all, as is the case with the Brazilian), the fashion industry has tapped into the market of women who wish to present a smooth nether region while wearing fitted clothing. I present you The Cuchini, a piece of plastic(?) that "attaches to your undies and smoothes the ridges of a woman’s mons pubis area, providing a smooth and camouflaged appearance." The description on "The Frisky" website even states, "Maybe Lady Gaga should invest," after the product description. Or, you might opt for Camel Ammo: "For 10 bucks, you can get a pink camo print U-shaped disc that slips right into the cotton flap in the crotch of your panties, which prevents your lady bits from going toe up. Plus, it’s machine washable! But maybe the real problem here isn’t the fabric lip stick, it’s giving women more excuses to continue to wear the fashions that show camel toe. So, just for the record, ladies: tights are not pants." The Frisky writers are anti-legging, anti-jegging, anti-tights-instead-of-pants, for one, because they show camel toe. Seems fashion designer Marc Jacobs is also anti-camel toe. Yet, his brand designs and sells leggings. And at $158 a pop, no less. Is it just me, or does the Marc Jacobs model appear to have a mild case of camel toe? If you're a girl who loves her leggings and is weirded out by wearing a disc in your underwear to conceal "your lady bits," there's another option. Low-crotch leggings! Sabrina Yeung of Stylehive.com writes, "Nobody wants to see a heinous camel toe, but must we go to the other end of the spectrum and admit defeat to gravity? It kind of looks like you're wearing Depends and you're trying to distract from the diaper by wrapping your legs in spandex. I'm not even sure the best of the hipsters can pull this look off, ala Juliette Lewis, with a cropped shirt and high tops? Ankle boots? Might as well go off the deep end and strap on some crocs and a fanny pack." Well, Sabrina, funny you should mention "fanny pack"...In closing, I offer you this dynamite music video. (Maybe a low-slung fanny pack is another camel toe concealment option?) Enjoy!

PS- Here's a nugget from my favorite conversation of the week:

Dad: How's your blog going?
Me: Good.
Dad: What did you blog about?
Me: Camel toe.
Dad: What?
Me: Camel toe, do you know what that is?
Dad: Hmm...sounds familiar...